thoughts of a frustrated student teacher

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

This whole teaching thing isn't easy. I was definitely warned that there would be days where I come home and say, "wow, today was a fantastic day," and other days where I come home and want to change my major. Today is the latter.

I am so overwhelmed by so many things I need to improve on. When you're up in front of 60 students there is so much to think about! You have to keep everyone engaged, make sure you're conducting properly, know the music and cue sections when to come in, fix problems that arise, remind students to have good posture, remember your lesson plan and be willing to adapt to changes that happen, be authoritative and commanding, etc. etc. etc..................

I thought I did pretty well today; sure, there are things I need to work on. But I thought that I improved from last time. But when I got feedback from my teacher I realized all these things I'm doing wrong. I'm just so frustrated and feel like quitting.

But I also know that God has been pressing on my heart that I am going to face troubles in this life. It's not going to be easy. As I read my Bible each day I've been hearing His voice saying these things. I think He's preparing me for something big. I know He is. He has great plans for me and I simply want to glorify Him in all that I do- whatever that may be. But yesterday He spoke to me these verses:

2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 - "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

This pertains to suffering, yes. I am not suffering, but I am not comfortable in this season of risk. But I am not losing heart because I know that inwardly God is renewing me day by day, though outwardly I am tired, grouchy, and fatigued. It is far better for me to be struggling this semester than to just breeze along without any problems. God never promises that we won't encounter problems. In fact, Jesus promised his disciples that they WOULD have troubles, yet we can be convinced that NOTHING will separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.

That is my hope.