FIRE FALL DOWN!
I'm really feeling the fire of God in my heart tonight. I've NEVER felt this alive in Christ. What He did tonight in that room was miraculous.
Tonight there was a night of worship and I didn't even want to go. I had so much work to do and it was the last thing I wanted to do, but my friend really encouraged me and I decided to stop by. Boy I'm sure glad I did.
I walked in and the worship was crazy...people screaming and shouting...not my style. But I got into it after a bit and prayed to God to give me a burning desire for Him because I felt so lukewarm. So then members of the team shared their testimonies about their spiritual gifts and the ways that God has changed them and I sat there wondering if I had any spiritual gifts. And then I just felt so overwhelmed by the love of God and the ways that he has changed me in the past few months. I've come from an addiction to lustful actions, a desire to party and live for myself, and a desire to smoke marijuana and feel that "feeling". God has been transforming my heart, mind, and soul just as it says in Romans 12:1-2.
As the band got up and played again, tears POURED down my face as I sang my heart to him. I thanked God for his grace in my life and for transforming me. I didn't care about those around me...I sobbed. And then the sobbing turned to tears of joy. GOD HAS RESURRECTED MY SOUL! How wonderful of a testimony!
Then they had those that wanted prayer come forward. I hesitated thinking that I'd look silly going forward, but I knew I HAD to. There was no other option. So I did and the pastor prayed over me with his hand over my heart. And the words he spoke resonated with such relevance in me. He was saying the things I had been praying all night about...strongholds in my mind that are overwhelming me, God has great plans for my life and wants to use me, my spiritual gift is evangelism?!? (never heard that one before), and that God will use my testimony to bring others who have fallen away back to Him. As his hand was fixed over my heart and as he screamed over me to let God's burning fire fill my heart and soul, my heart felt numb with such a weird feeling. I thought it was going to burst out of my chest like the scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I knew that God's fire and power was filling inside of me.
After the prayer I didn't move. He walked away, but I stayed there...didn't return to my seat...just stayed there and prayed. I asked God to show me how I can use my testimony or how I can reach those who have fallen. Immediately my mind turned to a friend from high school who I had fallen out of friendship with. He had fallen away from his faith and it has been discouraging me since and I felt partially at fault for it. But I felt that God was calling me to contact him (which I had tried over and over with no response on his end). I went back to my laptop and messaged him on facebook. It was a humble message...nothing superficial about it...completely real, informing him that I truly miss his friendship and wish life never brought us to such distant corners. I knew what to expect...I knew he'd write back because I knew that God had great plans for me and that my prayers would be answered. He wrote back and wrote about how he had lost his faith and felt that that was the reason we've lost contact. He said that our faiths connected us and when he lost his it disconnected us too. This is a GREAT step in the right direction and I KNOW that God has great plans to use me for this individual. It's not about me. It's about giving God all the glory and I know that God will use me for His glory.
Earlier today my dad called me about an internship position with the youth group at my church. It's nothing I had considered before and I wasn't really interested. But after the prayer I received tonight I feel that God may be calling me to this. I could use my testimony to these kids. The things that some of them may be struggling with are things that I struggled with and things that I have, by God's grace, come out of. I'm going to continue praying about this, but God has put some great things on my heart tonight. I feel so enamored with joy right now I can't even express it through language.
So this is an extra long post, but I just needed to share what God has done through me tonight. I pray that this fire continues to burn as I wake up each morning and fall on my knees before my maker and savior.
